We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
