i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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