Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
