I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
