I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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