I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
