dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
