Got a toothbrush?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
