apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
