I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
