I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
