We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
