its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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