I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
