all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
