why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
