Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
