These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We're too hungover to prance.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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