if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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