enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
