I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
