i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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