i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
