Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
