this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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