Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize