why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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