Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
