I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
