I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
