I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
