your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
