I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
