Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize