Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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