Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
