our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Your topless pictures make me question reality
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
