I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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