I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
