Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
