So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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