walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
