Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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