At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My penis needs a shock collar
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
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