Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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