i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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