His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
