Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
