I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
