I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
