god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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