He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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