just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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