why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
