So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
