They should really pass out barf bags in church
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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