you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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