I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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