She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
