I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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