Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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