Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
