Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
