guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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