Kiss
Puke
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
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