boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
