I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
