white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
