one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
