no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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