Redeem this text for a blowjob
Sober January is a disaster.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
