Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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