Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
