I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
