Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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