I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize