good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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