Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
