My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
