Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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