So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
