Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
