I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize