I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
