Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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