At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
