Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize