started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
