i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
