He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
