Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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