Pants 0. Shit 1.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize