took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
