she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
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