Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Let's paint friendship bongs
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
