Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
