the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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