glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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