The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
