I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
