Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
