We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
