Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
