everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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