I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I bet he comes in French.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
