sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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