I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
