You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
