yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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